AmyLand by Amy Berger

By | February 16, 2014

On a recent Friday, I taught an 8th grade science class and it was challenging. I thought about how a friend at my spiritual support group once described teenagers as “aliens.” After that day, I think she has a point. At least the beautiful pink and yellow-hued apple I ate during my 27-minute lunch ‘hour’ was delicious, so all was not lost.Is Juice or Smoothies Better?

On Monday of that same week, while I was schlepping my precocious 13 year-old offspring to various appointments, she says: “Mom, will you buy me a Vapor Cigarette?” I almost ran through a red light.

“A what?!” She continues: “You know, with a “vape” I can smoke fruit punch, or even just water.”

“Am I missing something here but why would anyone, underage like you, or over-age like me enjoy participating in such an activity?”

Dumbfounded, I clicked on the car radio and we drove on, listening to some overly loud, inaudible hip-hop song so I could drown out any thoughts on this (one of many) inane subject.

Tuesday was also high on our family’s Drama Richter scale: DD, above-mentioned daughter, needed two root canal surgeries. Two weeks ago, after the endodontist’s first foray into my child’s mouth, I was told by Hygienist Helen, everything will be “fine” as long as the Patient– chews on the other side until the permanent crown is in place and 2) the cotton does not come out.

Did I mention that the Husband neglected to advise me to schedule a appointment for DD to have the “restorative procedure” done on the new root, (or is it the new canal?) within ten days. Tuesday of last week, I received a hysterical call from the school nurse exclaiming: “the cotton fell out! The cotton fell out!”

Upon hearing of this traumatic incident (easily remedied, with Ibuprofen and a small piece of gauze) I called our dentist office and scheduled an official Cotton-Dectomy and tooth filling the very next day.

Speaking of teeth, upon returning home from an appointment with the ENT (stay tuned) for the very same child, we found our 60-pound Lab/Border Collie mix making headway toward her very own root canal.

Embedded in one corner of her ‘crate’, was an empty, 16 oz. plastic container of Duncan Hines™ Cream Cheese Creamy Home Style Frosting with teeth marks perforating the top.

“Mom, that container was half full this morning!” A path across our burgundy area rug from DD’s room to the dog crate was strewn with other assorted cast-offs such as wrappers from a frozen Klondike™ Choco-Taco , a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Cherry Frozen Confection ™ ,With Gum Ball Eyes!, as boldly noted on the front, and peanut butter M&Ms™.

At least the pup has good taste in sweets! Too bad, however, since up until that sugar binge, our lovable canine, Kimmy had the shiniest, whitest, healthiest

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teeth in the family. Do vets fill pets’ cavities? I mused as I cleaned up the mess.

Now, I must confess: the same icing polished off by Kimmy was used to frost a birthday cake for myself and three other loved ones. With all the drama in my life over the past week, or should I say year?, I decided to assemble an intimate group of family members (biological and spiritual) for a few hours of conversation, laughter and no technology devices.

After a couple of easy games, gallons of Hawaiian Punch™ , two home-baked cakes, and four choices of ice cream, the 18 of us (ages 8 to 78) had a lovely, loving afternoon. The party was indeed a great way to end another colorful week in AMYLAND.